I knew a pearl lay on the ocean sand,
And, fool that I am, I coveted it.
With my plan half-formed and my heart in hand
I convinced the inky depths to admit
Me to the pure, freshly- fallen-snow calm,
And I stretched out my hand to touch its skin
Joyfully, I pressed it into my palm
Not guessing what misery lay within.
For the pearl’s alias is “Sorrow Stone”,
And, though it sits pretty around my throat,
Ultimately, it will find me alone
No matter how many dreams I rewrote.
I will not dive for treasure anymore,
Content to lie with wood-drift on the shore.
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,840 Reviews
I liked the idea behind this poem. You expressed it very artfully. However, I usually prefer poems with rhythmic patterns. Like, the number and emphasis of syllables match. Of course, poetry is a pretty free art form, so perfect rhythm is not necessary--but you might like to consider it in the future.
I really liked this. The only thing I can find is that the rhythm is a little awkward in some parts, I'm not really sure why, sorry I can't be more helpful! But other than that, this was a beautiful poem. Exxxxxxxxcccccceeeeeeeeeellllllllleeeeeeennnnnnntttt job!
Pretty. Generally I thought your rhyme-scheme worked, and that's really good, since I find rhyming rarely works in amateur poetry. SO good job.
For such a dramatic poem I'd suggest a stronger set of opening lines. Maybe start with "I coveted"? I did find that these first 2 lines were the weakest of the poem, and sounded even a little awkward.
Way too many adjectives here, turns it into a cliche. "Me to the snow-calm" would be stronger.
Rephrase, it felt a little choppy. In parts I felt like I was reading a story, and this is an example where I felt you could turn it into prose. Poetry is meant to stand alone.
I felt like the entire poem was leading up to a climax that didn't happen. I enjoyed all except the last two lines. I really do think it just ended too abruptly. However, you did a very nice job with your imagery. You could probably turn that idea into a short story, if you really wanted to.
I really enjoyed this poem. It was really nice. A problem with young writers, including myself, is the stress we put into each 'work.' So much stress that it ends with nothing but a combination of words and clever symbols. None actually read like a poem. Yours did.
One critique, however, would be the title. It sounds very amateur. I almost skipped over this beautiful poem because of it.
Wow - I enjoyed your poem a lot. But I didn't get the last part as much as I should have...
I love the poem though. It was very pretty and well written! What I wrote above is not bad - I'm just... not a bright person 
For the pearl’s alias is “Sorrow Stone”,
And, though it sits pretty around my throat,
Ultimately, it will find me alone
No matter how many dreams I rewrote.
I will not dive for treasure anymore,
Content to lie with wood-drift on the shore.
Did you like, steal the pearl and you feel bad for the clam? Or did you get the pearl at the cost of the clam biting you.
This is fabulous! The rhyme scheme and the pentameter work wonders on any poem, but this had a good subject to go with, as well as some beautiful descriptions. Really good.
I loved the couplet at the end in particular. Have you read The Pearl, by Steinbeck?
I like your use of "coveted" in there; it carried the meter well. I wasn't crazy about the "freshly- fallen-snow calm"... it seemed like a lot of words for a drab, cliche image. The personification of the pearl, with its skin and the way it sat on the throat, gave me the shivers.
You have a real grasp on the language. I really liked this.
I really liked this poem a lot. ._. I thought it was beautiful.
Of course, I know next to nothing about poetry, so I cannot give any con-crit.
Still, a beautiful poem.
--JF.